A brilliant friend of mine pointed out that “We Are Called and Gifted By Our God,” “Gather Us In,” “On Eagle’s Wings,” etc. are basically the Catholic, musical equivalent of Thomas Kinkade: bad art enjoyed primarily by old people. (Source).
- Gregorian Chant
- Byzantine Chant
- Old Roman Chant
- Ambrosian Chant
- Mozarabic Chant
- Hildegard Von Bingen
- Palestrina
- Thomas Tallis
- Bruckner
- John Tavener
- John Taverner
- Henryk Gorecki
- Arvo Part
- Ralph Vaughan Williams
- Old Negro Spirituals
- The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
- Appalachian Shape-Note Singing
- Mongolian Throat Singing
- Swedish Black Metal
- Broadway Showtunes
- Spanish Versions of Broadway Showtunes
- Esperanto Versions of Broadway Showtunes
- Crappy Bootlegged Esperanto Versions of Broadway Showtunes
- DMX
- Patsy Cline
- Irish Folk Ceol
- The Game of Thrones Theme Song
- Melanie Martinez
- All 7 Hours of a Castro Speech
- Chris Tomlin (shudder)
- YouTube videos about Fitness
- RuPaul’s Drag Race
- “Shall We Gather at the River?”
- David Lynch Cooking Quinoa
- Schoenberg
- That Weird Russian Guy Who Dances and Makes That Noise with his Lips (you know the one)
- The Interviews of Edward Gorey
- The Collected Works of Charles Dickens Played Backwards
- Machine Metal Music
- The Sound of Two Hundred Bees Copulating Simultaneously
- A Giant Saw Cutting Off California from the Rest of the Union
- Musique concrète
- Dissertation Defenses by Statistics Ph.D’s
- Mark Zuckerberg (shudder)
- The Sound Made by Nikita Kruschev’s Shoe on the Podium, But on Infinite Loop
- The Sound Made by Justin Trudeau When He Announced The Year as If It Mattered, But on Infinite Loop
- Cats
- Ayn Rand Interviews
- Vaporwave Remixes of Ayn Rand Interviews
- Vaporwave Anything, Really
- “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!”
- Mr. G’s Dance from Summer Heights High
- A Theory of Justice: The Musical
- “Universal Love, Said the Cactus Person”
- The Ambient Sounds Recorded at the Varsity in Atlanta
- Twelve Germans Arguing About Philology
- John Oliver
- Ethel Merman
- Untranslated Korean Horror Movies
- Buskers in the Tube
- Robert Nozick Gently Asking Me to Kill 10,000 Contented Cows
- Gypsy Music
- Fleet Foxes (actually this would be pretty great and like the only good “folk mass” conceivable in any way, shape, or form)
- “The Sash”
- Ambient Noise Recorded at the Louvre
- The Sound of Praying Mantises Fighting Each Other
- The Sound of Praying Nuns Fighting Each Other
- The Sound of Music
- Oral Histories of the Tennessee Valley Authority
- Smash Mouth
- The Collected Oeuvre of Insane Clown Posse
- Gargling
- Untranslatable Russian Poetry
- Donald Trump (shudder)
- Gordon Ramsay Insulting Hell’s Kitchen Contestants
- Hideous Yak Noises
- The Broken Wind of an Unusually Flatulent Old Vicar in Surrey
- Lobsters
- Tracey Emin Talking About Her Work As If It Mattered
- That Flute Played by Mr. Tumnus
- Road Rage
- Chevy Chase Reciting Edward Lear
- “Your Mom Goes to College”
- Lobsters, but Fighting
- Gilbert Gottfried Reciting The Faerie Queene
- “Just You…And I…Just You…And I…”
- The Unrestrained Moans of Passion from the Majestic Wombat in Rut
- All the Burps from Arlo: The Burping Pig
- All the Burps from Arlo Guthrie Over His Entire Life
- “Alice’s Restaurant Massacree” On A Day Other Than Thanksgiving
- This List, Recited in Swahili
- Little Jimmy Scott
- The National Anthem of the USSR
- “MacArthur Park” (the original, performed by Richard Harris)
- Cardinal Richelieu as Petula Clark
- A Medley from Die Dreigroschenoper
- Mark Gormley’s “Without You”
- A Headline Act from Branson
- Wing’s cover of “Dancing Queen”
- Silence
The Amish Catholic 
I draw the line at Ethel Merman! 🙂
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No. 100, Silence, should be at the head of the list, for all the others depend upon it. Cardinal Sarah’s book on silence is the most profound and persuasive argument.
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The great thing about No. 100 is it eliminates all the fussing about the music.
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Oh, I am rolling on the floor! Thank you for sharing.
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You probably hate Graham Kendrick’s hymn ‘Shine Jesus, Shine’ but I would recommend having a look at the lyrics. They are quite theologically rich for such a sentimental song from a sentimental era.
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