Star Wars and the Suppression of the Jesuits

Recently a screenplay has surfaced of a discarded project from a major science fiction film studio. We believe that this film was part of a planned trilogy, with previous titles including the (now lost) The Phantom Heresy and Attack of the Convulsionnaires. Notes suggest that another six films, possibly set later in the series, include A New Pope, The First Empire Strikes Back, The Return of the Jesuit, The Faith Awakens, The Lourdes Jesuit, and The Rise of Newman. Here we present excerpts from the third and only surviving script from that series.

A long time ago in a Pontificate far, far away…

STAR CRUSADES: REVENGE OF THE JANSENISTS

War! The Kingdom is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Jansenist Archbishop, Cornelis Steenoven. There are heroes on both sides. Concupiscence is everywhere.

In a stunning move, the fiendish Regalist leader, the Marquis of Pombal, has swept into the Kingdom’s capital and kidnapped Chancellor Le Paige, leader of the Parlement of Paris.

As the Schismatic Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jesuits lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor. . .

“I fear the Jesuits. The Company keeps pushing for more control. They’re shrouded in secrecy and obsessed with maintaining their autonomy . . . ideals. I find simply incomprehensible in the Gallican Church.”

GREGOIRE: The Jesuits are selfless . . . they only care about others.

LE PAIGE smiles.

LE PAIGE: Or so you’ve been trained to believe. Why is it, then, that they have asked you to do something you feel is wrong?

GREGOIRE: I’m not sure it’s wrong.

LE PAIGE: Have they asked you to betray the Jesuit rule? The Constitution? A friendship? Your own values? Think. Consider their motives. Keep your mind clear of casuistry. The fear of losing power is a weakness of both the Jesuits and the Jansenists.

GREGOIRE is deep in thought.

LE PAIGE: Did you ever hear the tragedy of Blaise Pascal, the Mathematical?

GREGOIRE: No.

LE PAIGE: I thought not. It’s not a story the Jesuits would tell you. It’s a Jansenist legend. Blaise Pascal was a solitaire of Port-Royal, so powerful and so wise he could use probability to create faith … He had such a knowledge of efficacious grace that he could even keep the ones he cared about from lachrymal fistulae.

GREGOIRE: He could actually save people from painful eye ailments?

LE PAIGE: Efficacious grace is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be supernatural.

GREGOIRE: What happened to him?

LE PAIGE: He became so ascetic . . . the only thing he was afraid of was ending his ascesis, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice forced him to sign the Formula on his deathbed. (smiles) Pascal never saw it coming. It’s ironic…he could save others from doubting, but not himself.

GREGOIRE: Is it possible to learn this power?

LE PAIGE: Not from a Jesuit.

“Oh yes. Superior General Ricci, the Negotiator. We’ve been waiting for you.”

MARQUIS OF POMBAL: It won’t be long before the armies of the Pope track us here. I am sending you to the Muratori system. It is a moderate planet which generates a great deal of rationalizing interference. You will be safe there.

CARDINAL NOAILLES: Safe? Chancellor Le Paige managed to escape your grip, Marquis, without Archbishop Steenoven. I have doubts about your ability to keep us free of enthusiasm.

MARQUIS OF POMBAL: Be thankful, Cardinal, you have not found yourself in my grip . . . Your ship is waiting.

LORENZO RICCI is deep in thought.

The JESUIT removes his cloak and jumps down behind the MARQUIS.

RICCI: Hello, there!

MARQUIS OF POMBAL: Father Ricci, you are a bold one. I find your behavior bewildering . . . Surely you realize you’re doomed, (to mendicants) Expel him!

About a HUNDRED BATTLE MENDICANTS surround RICCI, MARQUIS OF POMBAL, and his BODYGUARDS. RICCI looks around, then walks right up to the MARQUIS OF POMBAL. They stare at each other for a moment.

MARQUIS OF POMBAL: Enough of this.

The BODYGUARDS raise their power crosiers to knock RICCI away, but RICCI ducks as the deadly crosiers whistle over his head. The Jesuit’s lightsaber ignites, and RICCI deftly cuts one BODYGUARD in two. His crosier flies into the air and is caught by the MARQUIS OF POMBAL. The other THREE BODYGUARDS attack RICCI with an intense fury. RICCI uses casuistic mind-tricks to release a piece of equipment from the ceiling. It drops on the BODYGUARDS, smashing them. RICCI walks toward the MARQUIS OF POMBAL, slashing the last BODYGUARD to pieces. BATTLE MENDICANTS move toward RICCI.

MARQUIS OF POMBAL: Back away. I will deal with this Jesuit regicide myself.

RICCI: Your move.

MARQUIS OF POMBAL: You fool. I have been trained in your Jesuit arts by Archbishop Steenoven himself. Attack, Ricci!

“The Company will make up its own mind who is to be the King’s confessor, not the Ordinary.”

LE PAIGE: Monseigneur Le Tellier. I take it the Marquis of Pombal has been destroyed then. I must say, you’re here sooner than expected.

LE TELLIER: In the name of the Parlement of Paris, you are under arrest, Chancellor.

LE PAIGE: Are you threatening me, Monseigneur Jesuit?

LE TELLIER: The Parlement will decide your fate.

LE PAIGE: (burst of anger) I am the Parlement!

LE TELLIER: Not yet!

LE PAIGE: It’s regicide, then.

LE TELLIER: You are under arrest, My Lord.

After an intense fight, GREGOIRE enter the scene. LE TELLIER has cornered LE PAIGE and deprived him of his lightsaber.

LE PAIGE: Gregoire! I told you it would come to this. I was right. The Jesuits are taking over.

LE TELLIER: You old fool. The oppression of the Rigorists will never return. Your plot to regain control of the Kingdom is over . . . you have lost . . .

LE PAIGE: No! No! You will be suppressed!

LE PAIGE shoots convulsionnaire lightning from his fingers.

LE PAIGE: He is a heretic, Gregoire!

LE TELLIER: He’s the heretic. Stop him!

LE PAIGE: Come to your senses, boy. The Jesuits are in revolt. They will betray you, just as they betrayed me.

LE TELLIER: Aarrrrggghhhhh . . .

LE PAIGE: You are not one of them, Gregoire. Don’t let him kill me.

LE TELLIER: Aarrrrggghhhhh . . .

LE PAIGE: I have the power to save the Gallican Church. You must choose. You must stop him!

LE TELLIER: Don’t listen to him, Gregoire.

LE PAIGE: Help me! Don’t let him kill me. I can’t hold on any longer. Ahhhhhhh . . . ahhhhhhh . . . ahhhhhhh . . . I can’t … I give up. Help me. I am weak … I am too weak. Don’t kill me. I give up. I’m dying. I can’t hold on any longer.

LE TELLIER: I am going to end this once and for all.

GREGOIRE: You can’t kill him, Master. He must stand trial.

LE TELLIER: He has control of the Parlement and the Court. He is too dangerous to be kept alive.

LE PAIGE: I’m too weak. Don’t kill me. Please.

GREGOIRE: It is not the Jesuit way . . . He must live . . .

LE PAIGE: Please don’t, please don’t . . .

GREGOIRE: I need him . . .

LE PAIGE: Please don’t . . .

GREGOIRE: NO!!!

Just as LE TELLIER is about to excommunicate LE PAIGE, GREGOIRE steps in and cuts off the Jesuit’s hand holding the lightsaber.

As LE TELLIER stares at GREGOIRE in shock, LE PAIGE springs to life.

LE PAIGE: Grace! Unlimited efficacious grace!

The full force of LE PAIGE’S powerful convulsionnaire lightning blasts LE TELLIER. He attempts to deflect them with his one good hand, but the force is too great. He convulses out the window and falls twenty stories to his death, though he is miraculously cured of an eye disorder on the way. No more screams. No more moans.

“The attempt on my divine rights as a bishop have left me scarred…and deformed.”

GREGOIRE: I pledge myself to your teachings. To the ways of St. Augustine.

LE PAIGE: Good. Good. Grace is strong with you. A powerful Jansenist you will become. Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth… Blois.

GREGOIRE: Thank you, Monseigneur.

LE PAIGE: Arise, Bishop.

LE PAIGE is putting on his dark cloak: he is now fully DARTH FEBRONIUS.

LE PAIGE: Because the Company did not trust you, my young apprentice, I believe you are the only Jesuit with no knowledge of this plot. When the Jesuits learn what has transpired here, they will kill us, along with the King.

GREGOIRE: I agree. The Jesuits’ next move will be against the Throne.

LE PAIGE: Every single Jesuit is now an enemy of the Kingdom. You understand that, don’t you?

GREGOIRE: I understand, Monseigneur.

LE PAIGE: We must move quickly. The Jesuits are relentless; if they are not all suppressed, it will be civil war without end. First, I want you to go to the Lycée Louis-le-Grand. We will catch them off balance. Do what must be done, Lord Blois. Do not hesitate. Show no mercy. Only then will you be strong enough with the reasonable side of the faith to save the Gallican Church.

GREGOIRE: What about the other Jesuits spread across Christendom?

LE PAIGE: Their betrayal will be dealt with. After you have suppressed all the Jesuits in the Lycée, go to the Muratori system. Wipe out Cardinal Noailles and the other Third Party leaders. Once more, the Jansenists will rule the Church, and we shall have the Peace of Clement IX.

“The Appeal is over. Lord Febronius promised us the Peace of the Church…we only want … nooooo…”

LE PAIGE: Emperor Joseph, the time has come. Execute Dominus Ac Redemptor.

JOSEPH II: It will be done, my lord.

“Faith in your new apprentice, misplaced may be, as is your faith in the rigorist interpretation of the Moral Law.”

ST ALPHONSUS: I hear a new apprentice, you have, Cardinal. Or should I call you Darth Febronius?

DARTH FEBRONIUS: Monseigneur Liguori, you survived.

ST ALPHONSUS: Surprised?

DARTH FEBRONIUS: Your laxism blinds you, Monseigneur Liguori. Now you will experience the full power of tutiorism!

They fight.

DARTH FEBRONIUS: I have waited a long time for this moment, my little Neapolitan friend. At last, the Jesuits are no more.

ST. ALPHONSUS: Not if anything I have to say about it, Lord Febronius.

ST. ALPHONSUS uses Baroque Marian devotionalism to throw DARTH FEBRONIUS back, knocking him clear over his desk and onto the floor in a heap.

ST. ALPHONSUS: (continuing) At an end your rule is and not merciful enough it was, I must say.

“From my point of view, the Jesuits are evil!”

MEDICAL MENDICANT: My Lord, the Constitution is finished …

DARTH FEBRONIUS: Good. Good.

The MENDICANT moves back to the table where DARTH BLOIS lies. The table begins to move upright. DARTH FEBRONIUS moves in next to DARTH BLOIS.

DARTH FEBRONIUS: (continuing) Lord Blois, can you hear me?

DARTH BLOIS, with his dark mask and helmet, moves up into the frame until he is in a CLOSEUP.

DARTH BLOIS: Yes, Monseigneur.

DARTH BLOIS looks around the room.

DARTH BLOIS: (continuing) Where is the Gallican Church? Is it safe, is it all right?

DARTH FEBRONIUS moves closer to the half droid/half man.

DARTH FEBRONIUS: I’m afraid it died … it seems in the Terror, you killed it.

A LOW GROAN emanates from BLOIS’s mask. Suddenly everything in the room begins to implode, including some of the MENDICANTS.

DARTH BLOIS: I couldn’t have! It was alive! I felt it! It was alive! It’s impossible! No!!!

30 Alternate Religious Mottos

The habits of various orders. (Source)

As my readers will no doubt be aware, most religious orders have a motto that encapsulates their particular charism. However, many of these are a bit tired and could use with some updating. Here are my proposals:

  1. Benedictines: Prayer, Work, Monk-eying Around
  2. Jesuits: Up to Something
  3. Dominicans: Sed Contra
  4. Franciscans: Need a Bath
  5. Lazarists: Nolite Me Tangere o Pauperes
  6. Carthusians: ——-
  7. Carmelites: Better Than You
  8. Oratorians: O Happy Flowers!
  9. Trappists: Beer, Cheese, Keeping Death Daily Before One’s Eyes
  10. Cistercians: Trappists But With Fewer Skills
  11. Opus Dei: Definitely Not a Cult
  12. Augustinians: Peaked in 1517
  13. Norbertines: We Have White Birettas
  14. Redemptorists: Sowing Scrupulosity, Reaping Laxity
  15. Missionaries of Charity: Not Just a Gap Year
  16. Passionists: Dying in a Train Station
  17. Marists: Not the Marianists
  18. Legion of Christ: [REDACTED]
  19. Congregation of Holy Cross: Go Irish!
  20. Theatines: We Still Exist
  21. LCWR: Anything Goes!
  22. Salesians: Something for the Boys
  23. Basilian Monks: είμαστε ακόμα εδώ
  24. Camaldolese: Get Off My Lawn!
  25. ICKSP: All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go
  26. Marianists: Not the Marists
  27. Holy Spirit Adoration Sisters: Pretty in Pink
  28. Heralds of the Gospel: Blasphemous Simpsons Episode Offends the Blessed Mother!
  29. Anglican Ordinariate: He Hath Vouchſafèd Unto Us These His Comfortable Words
  30. Secular Priests: Singalong Fun with Christopher West!

These Princess-Abbesses Have Just About Had It

“What a shock, Maximiliana has to be the life of the party AGAIN.”

“I think the real trouble in the Church today is the shortage of lace.”

Princess-Abbess Christina zu Mecklenburg isn’t angry. She’s just disappointed.

“I’m not like a regular Princess-Abbess, I’m a cool Princess-Abbess. Observe my nude statues, dogs, and trendy collection of seashells.”

Winged headdresses are in this year.

“This crosier was made by fifty leper goldsmiths on a Greek island owned by the Doge of Venice. My uncle, the Cardinal of Trieste and Titular Abbot of Unter-Festschrift, gave it to me at my accession.”

Therese Natalie of Brunswick-Wolfenbüttel, Princess-Abbess of Gandersheim, with her pendulous string of pearls, miniature portrait bracelet, powdered blue watered silk sash, ermine, and bejewelled Bible, is a model of noble simplicity.

“Well, grey is a penitential color, after all. More than what you’re wearing, heathen.”

“They told me it was the crown or the hair. I chose the hair.”

The face when you realize that someone has spilled ketchup and mustard everywhere.

Marie Elisabeth von Holstein-Gottorf, Princess-Abbess of Quedlinburg, knows what you did. And she is not amused.

“What cloister is ever complete without tropical plants?”

How sweet when sisters live in (rococo) harmony…

…as opposed to Gothic mutual loathing.

(Sources: Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here, Here)

100 Edifying Lenten Penances

“The Fight Between Carnival and Lent,” Pieter Bruegel the Elder. Recently seen by the author in Brussels. (Source)

The pious among my readers will no doubt be aware that Lent will soon be upon us. Here are 100 ideas for how to have a successful and most fruitful season of penance.

  1. Give up meat
  2. Give up chocolate
  3. Give up alcohol
  4. Give up social media
  5. Give up being a social media influencer
  6. Give up films
  7. Give up naughty films
  8. Give up films that are very naughty but not the ones that are naughty while also being either smart or funny or historically dramatic in a passingly educational sort of way
  9. Give up comic books
  10. Give up music
  11. Give up secular music
  12. Give up Christian praise and worship music (for the love of God and all that is holy)
  13. Give up lobster, though not on Fridays
  14. Give up dairy
  15. Give up various soft cheeses
  16. Give up all cheeses from Poitou-Charente but not anywhere else in France
  17. Give up Netflix
  18. Give up “Netflix”
  19. Give up petting zoos
  20. Give up marsupials
  21. Give up giraffes of any kind
  22. Give up your ignorance of the various kinds of giraffe
  23. Give up spy novels
  24. Give up surprising all of your friends by suddenly screaming at them, apropos of nothing, “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!”
  25. Give up your longstanding telenovela addiction
  26. Give up trying to learn Portuguese in favor of Esperanto
  27. Give up learning Esperanto
  28. Give up reading the poetry of William McGonagall, the Apollo of Dundee
  29. Give up the various birds, stuffed and otherwise, that you are hoarding in your attic and basement
  30. Give up your deeply-rooted habit of eating little fragments of ceramic statues
  31. Give up your swimming lessons
  32. Give up your avoidance of Luton, Slough, and Swindon
  33. Give up the American news cycle
  34. Give up the Busby Berkeley marathons you play in your living room every Friday evening
  35. Give up pretending you are, in fact, the reincarnation of Senhor Doutor Plinio Corrêa de Oliveira
  36. Give up whining
  37. Give up long walks in the park
  38. Give up spitting in public
  39. Give up gossip
  40. Give up gossip about me, please
  41. Give up your general wanton demeanor and frowsy mien
  42. Give up the chips
  43. Give up all professional sports
  44. Give up your various simultaneous affairs with the members of the Swazi National Curling Team
  45. Give up the ghost
  46. Give up your collection of Rococo snuff boxes depicting various prince-bishops in ermine
  47. Give up practicing the kazoo at inappropriate hours of the night
  48. Give up Morris dancing
  49. Give up peanut butter and eel jelly sandwiches
  50. Give up your place in line
  51. Give up the furious Mah-Jong tournaments you regularly host for gangs of aged nuns
  52. Give up reciting the poetry of William McGonagall, Bard of Dundee
  53. Give up your participation in the capitalist system enslaving us all
  54. Give up toast
  55. Give up the secret alien knowledge you acquired through highly illegal methods of infiltrating government files
  56. Give up felonies in general
  57. Give up all the Skittles you have hoarded in your closet
  58. Give up the various coffee table books of early brutalist architecture that you have received from work colleagues, many of whom have since passed on
  59. Give up on modern architecture in toto
  60. Give up writing emoji haikus
  61. Give up your shoegaze band, Emoji Haiku
  62. Give up on romance
  63. Give up on romantic comedies
  64. Give up those trashy bodice-rippers they sell in the supermarket book aisle (you know the ones)
  65. Give up your seat in the Académie française
  66. Give up your seat on the train to Timbuktu
  67. Give up your seat on the Parish Council (here’s looking at you, Susan)
  68. Give up your operatic emotional troubles
  69. Give up addressing everyone in song
  70. Give up asserting that you are, in fact, Madama Butterfly
  71. Give up counting time in anything but the Mayan calendar
  72. Give up your general estrangement from Mesoamerican culture
  73. Give up your allergies
  74. Give up your obstinate refusal to learn the Sasquatch language
  75. Give up your unreliable narration
  76. Give up your postmodern metairony
  77. Give up your Twitter account
  78. Give up treating your dogs like children
  79. Give up treating your children like dogs
  80. Give up treating your children better than your cats
  81. Give up your claim to the long-defunct throne of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth
  82. Give up your alarming habit of musical flatulence
  83. Give up your covert addiction to locomotive erotica
  84. Give up your understated unibrow
  85. Give up your long-awaited nose job
  86. Give up your embittered attempt to remain Dean of a prominent English Cathedral
  87. Give up memorizing the poetry of William McGonagall, the Orpheus of Dundee
  88. Give up any expectations of amusement
  89. Give up the pipe dream of tenure
  90. Give up your position to the various paramilitary forces that are hunting you through the tundra
  91. Give up break-dancing in public parks
  92. Give up attending Hare Krishna services
  93. Give up any association with the Libertarian Party
  94. Give up all hope, ye who enter here.
  95. Give up the secret recipe
  96. Give up the art your late uncle Oswald took from various museums over the course of his long and chequered career as a forger and art thief
  97. Give up approximately 1/4 of your bone marrow
  98. Give up being lame
  99. Give up all the excuses you always make for not keeping your Lenten penance
  100. Just give up

The Lord High Inquisitor’s Song

HighInquisitors

Nobody expects it. (Source)

The Lord High Inquisitor’s Song

(tune)

Cardinal Ko-Ko
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list—I’ve got a little list
Of ecclesial offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed—who never would be missed!
There’s the pestilential journalists who write for NCR,
and all the ultramontanists who think the Pope’s a Czar—
All clergy who wear ugly stoles and vestments as they pray—
And philistines who think that lace is just a little fey—
Theologians from the Argentine who study how to kiss.
They’d none of ’em be missed—they’d none of ’em be missed!

Chorus
He’s got ’em on the list—he’s got ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed—they’ll none of ’em be missed.

Cardinal Ko-Ko
There’s the Jesuit on Twitter who does not believe in hell.
Since God he does resist—I’ve got him on my list!
Then there’s the German Cardinals who pray to Martin L.
They’re just “ecumenist”—they never would be missed!
Then the liberal who praises, with some social justice rage,
The “spiritual but not religious” tenor of the age;
And the parish secretary who makes fruitcake every year
For the congregation’s Christmas Party (and inspires fear);
And that odd phenomenon, theologians feminist
I don’t think they’d be missed—I’m sure they’ll not be missed!

Chorus
He’s got them on the list—he’s got them on the list;
And I don’t think they’ll be missed—I’m sure they’ll not be missed!

Cardinal Ko-Ko
And those mouth-foaming maniacs who write LifeSite clickbait,
Would that they might desist—I’ve got them on the list!
The Neo-Caths at Crisis in a moral panic state.
And a Two-Tiered Thomist—you know he’s on the list!
Then the smug and smarmy statesman who still wears the scarlet hat
Who bows to tyrants’ wishes from a desk chair in the Vat—
And the bishops who decide they want obedience, not truth
All baby boomers who attack the faithful of the youth—
And all the heretics who can be judged quite Modernist.
They’ll none of ’em be missed—they would none of ’em be missed!

Chorus
You may put ’em on the list—you may put ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed—they’ll none of ’em be missed!

Pious Youths Looking Terribly, Terribly Wan

GerardMajellaFloating
No please, don’t get up.
I can levitate all by myself.
I’m sure you must see lots of levitating clergymen.
It’s no big deal.
Yes, I know it’s not even a foot up, but still.
Just play your flute or whatever.
Go on, keep doing what you were doing.
Just gonna levitate for my own sake.
Sure is high up here.
All seven inches.

St_Aloysius_Gonzaga_June_21stOh, how I hope never to see the Sun.

saint-aloysius-gonzaga-00
To be honest, the best thing about the novitiate is all the restrictions.
It must be unpleasant to have to do all sorts of things that other people do.
Like eating, or going outside, or breathing more than thrice an hour.

StanislausKostka1
Well it has been great holding you.
Really just a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Truly.
Sure am gonna have to tell my friends about this.
Anyway, you are…uh, kinda heavy.
So uh, I think I’m gonna maybe put you downo, get your hand away from me…
OKAY THEN well I guess we’re just gonna stay like this a little longer.

LeGrosStanislausKostka 2 web
Oh sorry, you caught me at a bad time. I was just dying clear away.

GonzagaBlueBow
I can never pray without my little blue bow.

Screen Shot 2017-09-30 at 10.34.19 PMYou must pray, Iphigenia, you must pray harder.
But Mother, we’ve been doing it for six hours.
If you do not pray, Iphigenia, you can never be well.
We don’t have any more candles left.
Iphigenia, how shall you feel when you are dead and gone far from your own home and all its earthly lights and all who love you?
I only had a small cough
Shhhh, Iphigenia, shhhhh…

berchmans-e1467917574733
Yes, I said “Come down here at once.”
I’ve even got a little space for you to sit here.
Yes, I know there are bones on it.
Well you’ll just have to move them.
It’s not hard. Really.

brotherspraying
How long are we gonna keep saying grace, Jimmy?
Probably a while.
Why?
Because I’m using the Roman Canon.

AloysiusGonzagaStainedGlassI love how this new makeup makes my face match my surplice.

ChildrenPraying
And please bless mommy and daddy.
And please let us eat lots of desert.
And please crush the Modernist heresy in all its damnable ways.

BerchmansWallpaper
This wallpaper.
I hate. every. inch. of it.

SJB-shrine.jpg
John…there’s, there’s a light all about you.
Well I certainly am the most glittering ornament in the room.

DogPrayer
I’m sorry, Cecil, but the Church does teach that you have no immortal soul.

WingsAngel
Yes, they are rather nice wings, thank you.
Unfortunately I can’t move them at all.
But they look great.

StGabrielSorrows.jg
I’m aghast.
I had no idea such a thing could happen to me.
I feel personally victimized.
I walk into the room and what do I see?
This painting.
It’s…it’s…so…philistine!

AloysiusBook
What? You don’t pray to your poetry books?

PorcelainAloysius
Deathly pale is the new black.

BremenChildPraying
Little Peter enjoys his prayers.
He smiles as he prays.
He smiles because he thinks about how, at the Judgment Day, the Lord will cast down the heretics, the wicked, and the reprobate into the everlasting flames of Hell forever, where the demons shall rend the very flesh of their bones and devour them.
Little Peter enjoys his prayers.

(Images from here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here)